Friday, June 15, 2007

100 Things I Hate About You

Let's face it: ESPN does a lot of stuff to piss you off. It insults your intelligence, it favors screaming analysts over game highlights and reports, it puts certain NFL 'insiders' on screen... you know. But have you ever sat down and thought about all the crap ESPN does that just drives you crazy? Well I did.

Nota Bene: These 100 items have all occurred/appeared in since the start of the 2006 College Football season. We could be here forever if we chronicled all of the past albatrosses of ESPN like Stump the Schwab, Trev Alberts, Dream Job and ESPN Hollywood.

ESPN MotionStuart Scott
Skip BaylessFirst Take
Stephen A. SmithChris Berman’s nicknames
Chris Berman doing play-by-playJohn Kruk
The Coors Light Cold Hard Facts Six-PackRed Sox-Yankees Coverage
ESPN Deportes on SportsCenterWho’s Now?
Mark MayLou Holtz
Len PasquarelliJohn Clayton
Sean SalisburyCensoring Bill Simmons
ESPN on ABCThe Fantastic Four to Watch
Jeff Van GundyMark Jackson
Roger CossackNASCAR Now
Baseball Tonight (Post-Reynolds)Doris Burke
NBA FastbreakNFL Live
Dee BrownTim Legler
The Budeweiser Hot SeatPam Ward
Chris SpielmanJim Donnan
ESPNU-exclusive broadcastsRachel Nichols always wears black
Not enough Erin AndrewsAFL on ESPN
Monday Night Football commercials that tell you what day it isSteve Phillips
Bob DavieESPN Insider
Overt Disney Synergy during SportsCenterArli$$ on ESPN Classic
Woody PaigeWomen’s College Basketball Selection Show
Jay MariottiJon Barry
Dick Vitale (sometimes)Shelley Smith
Desmond HowardThe ESPN/USA Today Coaches Poll(s) and other conflicts of interest
The Finals in Harmony (seriously, what the hell is that?)The ESPYs
Around the HornColin Cowherd
Pedro GomezThe Terrell Owens/Barry Bonds/etc Beats
Scoop JacksonESPN 360
Any other non-Simmons Page 2 writers since Ralph Wiley passed awayESPN Full Circle
The declining visibility of Peter GammonsWNBA highlights at any time
MLB Draft televisedThe Best of Mike & Mike
NFL Sunday CountdownEA Sports NFL Matchup
The SportsCenter reSETWomen’s College Basketball that doesn’t involve Pat Summitt or Geno Auriemma
SportsCenter anchors chiming in on eachothers’ highlightsBill Walton
Joe TheismannThe SportsCenter Minute
Mary Travel
4 DownsThe Big Ten-ACC Challenge
The ban on “underground” sitesDana Jacobsen
Diamond CuttersFact or Fiction
Jacked Up!Joe Lunardi prior to the conference tournaments
Bad Puns in SportsCenter graphicsFernando Vina
ESPN the WeekendChasing Aaron every night on the Bottom Line
Greg AnthonyFact or Fiction
Countdowns appearing in the Bottom Line (ie, Monday Night Football)Orestes Estrada
Top Ten NomineesKara Lawson
Take Your PickAFL highlights on SportsCenter
“You’re A Fan, You Just Don’t Know It Yet” promosAnchors that try to emulate Kilborn, Olbermann and Eisen
Not enough Bob LeyJeremy Schaap

As you can see, these mostly fall into four categories: Personalities who suck, shows that suck, corporate whoring and useless segments that take time away from actual sports highlights on SportsCenter. The fact that most of these gripes can be easily categorized means that, in theory, they can easily be fixed. Right, Norby?


Ghost of Carl Monday said...

and that's straight off the block sick nasty stupid stuff. hugs and hand pounds. I'm mentally chalenged.

/stuart scott

Bamboo Rat said...

Please advise how I can remove ESPN360 from my 'puter. Tks from Dalian, PR China

WhiteMagic said...

You left out the Ultimate Highlight, Brian Kenney and the My Wish, 50 states in 50 days and every other good idea that they run and run until you can't standto watch anymore.