Friday, September 21, 2007

It's Always Sunny on TSE - "The Gang Picks the Weekend" Part II


Here are your 5 selected college locks 'o' the week.

Ohio State (-23.5) over Northwestern.

After OState's first few home games, I would doubt that the Buckeyes could even put 23 points on the board, but Boeckman turned around at UW and the defense is too good.  And NW just lost to Duke.  In football.

Alabama (-3.5) over Georgia
I'm buying the Tide at home, if only so Nick Saban can ratchet himself up the ladder only to fuck over Alabama for the NFL and then fuck over the NFL for another college program.  And hopefully his plane will crash somewhere in middle America trying to lock down one of the aforementioned jobs.  Seriously, fuck that guy with a spoon.

Penn State (-3) over Michigan
I don't like this pick at all.  Anthony Morelli is not good and will likely go to hell, or wherever bad Jews go when they die, for playing.  Morelli is jewish right?  Anyway, Penn State's defense hasn't had to play ANYONE this year.  I keep hearing "most well-rounded Big 10 team" associated with Penn State but that's like being the fat chick with the least amount of facial hair.  But the only team UM has beaten at home is Notre Dame and that's like beating a Division 1-AA school...wait, what?

South Carolina (+18) over LSU
Yes, LSU is really good.  Sure, Les Miles is probably on the way out.  But get fucking serious.  USC (the one on the right side of the country, directionally speaking) and The Ol' Ball Coach will keep this one close and will probably lose like they did against Florida last year - which will be by much less than 18 points.

Kentucky (+7) over Arkansas
Darren McFadden is still the toast of the Heisman race and will keep that up this weekend but Kentucky's offense will stay with him easily - Just ask Alabama what it's like playing the Hogs in the 4th quarter.  Puh-lease.  I'd take the cover and the straight up win.

There you have it.  Call your bookies.  And if you have a gambling problem, call your shrink.  But call your bookie first.

It's Always Sunny on TSE - "The Gang Picks the Weekend"

I love this show.

Anyway, here are selected picks, or Locks 'o' the Week as I am wont to call them (home teams in bold):

Baltimore (-8) over Arizona
Baltimore may only score 9 points, but that will be enough to cover.

Carolina (-4) over Atlanta
You can take the dog out of the fight, but you can't take the...wait, too easy. Atlanta is awfully woeful this year and Steve Smith is all-world. Blowout in the dome.

Dallas (+3) over Chicago
I really like Dallas to run away with the NFC. They'll beat Chicago to prove it. Also, Tony Romo is on my fantasy team and I'm 2-0.

Indy (-6) over Houston
Hi, Houston. I'm earth - welcome back down to me.

New England (-16.5!!!!!) over Buffalo.
Yes, Buffalo is awful, and no, one should never EVER bet a cover over 10 points. But New England is ridiculous and Buffalo, much like Kevin Everett, is barely moving. Too soon?

Pittsburgh (-8.5) over San Francisco.
The Steelers have snacked on the likes of the Brownies (who are not a good team) and the Bills (see above). Big Ben is back and that Defense is fo' real.

Seattle (3.5) over Cincinnati
Here's my math on this one: Shaun Alexander + the Bengal run D = bad week for Cincinnati. The Bungles are back, baby.

New Orleans (-4) over Tennessee on MNF
The last time the Saints played a somewhat meaningful game on Monday night, they beat the living shit out of the Falcons. Vince Young will be good (2-0 in fantasy, baby!) but NO will cover the four they're getting.

Remember, this is all for fun and by no means for realz. Betting is bad, addiction is even worse. If you have a problem get help, or whatever. If not, take these bets to the guy at the bar who looks like John Candy and get ready to collect or get your thumbs broken on Tuesday.  College picks later today. more...