Monday, January 09, 2006

I Dey. I Dey Knew Dem Bengals Would Blow It.

Ok, this column is basically going to be very representative of the lot of my columns for this little website, so get used to it. My buddy Kopech and I have a little understanding between us that we we see people that are inferior to us in any way (which is often) we say that we, "get a funny feeling." Well, I had one of these funny feelings last night as I was walking back to my apartment with my girlfriend and my roommate. I spotted a couple of Bengals fans walking towards me, i could tell they were Bengals fans by their:

A. Smell
B. Ungodly amount of Bengals clothing (it was one in the morning on a Saturday... get serious)

As they proceed to pass me, I shout something tot he effect of "Here We Go Steelers." One of these rim jobs reaches into his pocket and says, "I've got something for you" and pulls an airhorn out of his pocket and blasts it in my ear. Read that sentence again, for it is completely true and insane at the same time. I have two people to corroborate the story, and countless others who I'm sure in the wee small hours of the morning were wondering who in the name of Stoney Case was FIRING OFF AN AIRHORN? This is the type of individual I have had to deal with this entire NFL football season. Thier team has one good year, and all of a sudden the world stops rotating every time Carson Palmer applies Quilted Northern to his underside.

Well, Karma Von Oelhoffen took care of that today on the first passng play from scrimmage for the Bengals. If you don't know why his first name is now "Karma" you might want to stop reading. This website isn't for you. The place went so silent after Palmer got carted off that Marvin Lewis called his son in Tampa to make sure he was still alive. Ok, so that one might have been below the belt, but so was ol' Karma's hit, but both my comment and the hit were both perfectly legal. I have not heard any Bengals fans complain, but I haven't really had an opportunity to. It was legal, get over it, this event was set in motion years ago. Sam Wyche and Joe Theisman both saw it coming.

I am hence forth ushering in a new theory that I think falls into play for the most part when referring to teams and coaches in the postseason: The Mark Richt Theory. This theory states taht unless you have an ungodly exceptional team or player, you will take baby steps in accomplishing success. Mark Richt proved this theory this year, and that is why he is the namesake... the Bengals just couldn't have expected to make a run in this year's playoffs, especially in the experience heavy AFC. Put it this way: if the quarterback on your favorite team has less playoff experience than Jake Plummer, he will crap the bed. Carson got hurt, Eli got shutout, Leftwitch got worked, and Simms didn't have a great game against the Skins, forcing Gruden to pull him and replace him with backup Jeff Hostetler. Big Ben played abysmal last year: experience matters in the NFL, and the Bengals didn't have it.

So, the Bengals will start anew just like everyone else who doesn't win the Super Bowl will eventually do, except this off season will be very telling as to whether or not the Bengals revert to mediocrity or rise as one of the elite teams in the NFL. Really just depends on the healing powers of Palmer. If I were a betting man, which I'm not, you have to like the odds on the Bengals heading south after the loss of thier first legitimate quaterback since Scott Mitch-- Jon Kit-- Boomer Es-- Akili... well, you get the point. more...