Wednesday, April 16, 2008

GoCM's Top 5 SNES Games

If I've learned anything over the last 24 years of my life, it's that the world almost certainly does not revolve around sports - it revolves around me, of course. That said we'll jump off-topic a bit and talk about the wonderful world that was the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. And since I'm running the show, here are my Top 5 SNES games*.

*I'll be honest, I didn't buy/play all that many SNES games. I was cheap, the 'rents wanted us to have more "outside time" (hindsight: might have been a good idea) so I was really only limited to a few games in a few genres. Comments (yeah, right) with your faves.

Why it's in the Top 5:
This would normally be much higher, as I spent most of third and fourth grade (as well as most of my third and fourth years of college...and some of the fifth) playing this game. Think about it - Three of the great NES games of all time in the greatest game series of them all with amped up graphics and sound. What's not to love?

Why it's not #1:
The Lost Levels portion. Fuck them in the pants. For whatever reason, it just annoyed the shit out of me and given the choice to play any of the four games, this is last every single time. But that's about it.

Why it's in the Top 5:
There aren't a lot of RPGs that can give Link, the Master Sword and the Kingdom of Hyrule (fuck, I'm lame) a run for their money. Great story line, great game play and consistently one of the most fun games to sit around and play. Even if you were just cutting some bushes (giggity) down looking for rupees.

Why it's not #1
I was never wild about the format. I guess it's because I'm a product of the 1st person shooter era. But other than that, this is a solid performer.

Why it's in the Top 5:
Where to start? For one, this game represented the pinnacle of graphics at the time. The Super FX chip was to blame and it created Nintendo's first 3-D environments. And holy shit, was it fun to play. Whipping around in the Arwings, ruining shit with the 2nd-level twin blasters and firing the bombs for no apparent reason (would missiles have hurt to put in?). This game succeeds on so many levels it's sick.

Why it's not #1:
I guess my top 3 could really be a T-1 fest, but this gets knocked down because of just how much better the next two are.

Why it's in the Top 5:
So many reasons: Great storyline. Great user interaction. Great plot twists. Great random pop culture references. Great playability. Great music. Challenging enough to make any player throw down the controller after losing to the boss AGAIN. Overall one of the truly great games for the console.

Why it's not #1:
Because of what is #1 and for no other reason. Like Starfox, this easily could be #1 as well.

Why it's #1:
This game might be in the all-time top 5 games ever list. Almost flawless in every way. And who can't remember playing Battle Mode for hours on end. And if you could wipe someone out with the green turtle shell then you were pretty much unbeatable. The actual racing was always challenging (at least in 100cc) and the levels were creative and fun without getting out of hand. If there was a fault, I still haven't found it. Man what a game it was.

Monday, April 14, 2008

TMA on TSE - You're the Immelman now, Dawg!

Good morning. Not really. It's Monday morning and those are never particularly good in any situation. You could have gone to bed Sunday after banging a Perfect 10 model, a la Eric in Entourage and still hit that before going to work the next morning and it would still suck. Perhaps less than if you went to bed after, say, reading back issues of SI and masturbating, but that's neither here nor there.

I guess there is one way that a Monday morning might be tolerable. Were you to wake up with a 42-R green jacket on your person, then Monday probably sucks a lot less. That's what Trevor Immelman probably did this morning. I bet he's have a bang up fucking day.

The South African (gooooooooooooo Apartheid!) was your winner yesterday at Augusta, despite some of his best efforts (in the drink on 16 with a five-shot lead? What are you doing aiming for the pin, dickhead?!?), besting Tiger Woods by three strokes. Admittedly, it was a boring final 18 on my favorite tract in the world, but you really can't blame Immelman for that. He gave away plenty of shots and chances on the day but no one could really do anything with the opportunities. Not even the aforementioned Mr. Woods. The flatstick, like donuts for Mickelson, whiskey for Daly and the lump three feet above his ass for Sabatini, was persona non grata for Tiger, who managed to shoot an uninspiring 72.

In this day an age of golf, the story after all non-Tiger wins in majors is not about who won, but how Tiger lost. And certainly, that's a fair statement. If Tiger makes a putt or two from outside five-feet, the pressure would have been on the Immelman. Maybe he folds like every other South African to challenge Augusta in recent years (see: Els, Goosen, Clark and Sabatini). Or maybe he doesn't. But it would have been fun to see regardless.

That was not the case, however, and Immelman won the Masters walking away. He outplayed the field and did what he had to do to put on that green jacket. And he deserves all the credit in the world for it. Winning the Masters will elude exponentially more players than it will embrace so credit is certainly due and should be given.

But for the second year in a row, we will likely not chase a golfer around the country (and the Old Empire) chasing the Grand Slam because the year's Masters winner is another "one of the best up and coming golfers we've seen in a long time" who probably won't win another major in their career.