Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The Morning After on TSE - 6.27.2007

I'm not the first one to touch on this topic and I certainly will not be the last, but it's high time to comment on ESPN's yearly "My Wish" week. Before I do, I'll need to put up a disclaimer, as I've already been called out on my egregious use of the term "retard" once this week.

I like the Make-a-Wish Foundation. I think it is an admirable and worthy cause. I'm glad that Disney/ABC/ESPN have the resources to devote money and 10 minutes per day to it for a week. I do have a problem with charities in general because of the inherent Catch-22 involved: I can give one charity $1000 but good could also be done giving 1000 charities $1. For as many families that ESPN helps on "My Wish" or ABC helps on "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" there are thousands more that need that same help.

But I digress. My biggest problems with this yearly tradition are how the pieces are produced. And it's basically because I hate Chris Connelly. Don't get me wrong, he's decent at what he does and his reports are generally harmless in nature. But don't tell me that a guy who is only 6 years removed from doing red carpet for the freakin' MTV Movie Awards can host the fluffiest of all fluff pieces and sound genuine doing it. This is a personal thing and some may not agree with me, but Chris Connelly is one of the last guys I would have do these stories.

Now I'm not just going to "pull a Kopech" as the kids say, and not give any suggestions as to who I would fill this role with. In his stead, I would use the following people.

Fred Hickman. I've never had a problem with this guy. He's got a smooth and deep voice, perfect for narration and he has a troubled past to boot. Did you know that while working in Detroit in the 1980s, Hickman had a $400/week cocaine habit (probably caused by living, you know, in Detroit)? Amazing what The Wikipedias will say about a guy.

Linda Cohn. I may be alone here, but I've had a crush on Linda Cohn since I began watching SC in 1993. Ten years from now, I'd still throw it to her (definately alone there, I'm sure). But her sultry alto and perfect diction lend themselves well to stories like this. And, if anything, the more Linda, the less I'll dog everything ESPN produces on this blog. That's a guarantee (and that is Linda Cohn up there, right? That's what it said on AskJeeves, anyway).

Suzy Kolber. If there's anyone at ESPN that has had to deal with retards (there I go again) and special cases, it's Suzy Kolber. Not only does she have to sideline report for the handsy Mike Tirico and formerly Joe Theeeeesman, but she was also the reporter during the Joe Namath Incident, a happening so big that they named a blog after it.

So there are my suggestions, or My Wishes, if you will (and I will).


Jed DeMuesy said...

Got seven minutes? Good, Chris Connely wants to tell you a story.

Anonymous said...

Dude, Linda Cohn in a heartbeat. I have your back on this one.

Ghost of Carl Monday said...

where are all those Wisco homos when we don't spend our time berating their terrible state?

J Ryan said...

thats not Linda Cohn. Its Keeley Hazell. Read your captions. Ass.

Ghost of Carl Monday said...

that's what linda cohn looks like after 17 beers.