The Morning After on TSE - 6.29.2007

Things just keep getting weirder and weirder in the Chris Benoit story. If that's possible. Since the last post, they've confirmed that Benoit likely strangled his wife on Saturday, smothered his son on Sunday, placed Bibles by both of the bodies, which were in different rooms, before hanging himself sometime on Monday. The bodies were discovered by authorities on Monday afternoon.

Here's where it gets interesting.

Benoit's Wikipedia entry was altered early Monday to say that the wrestler had missed a match two days earlier because of his wife's death.

A Wikipedia official, Cary Bass, said Thursday that the entry was made by someone using an Internet protocol address registered in Stamford, Conn., where World Wrestling Entertainment is based.

Ummm... What? Never mind the fact that the Wikipedia entry was altered. That's weird, yes, but the fucked up part is in graph 2. The IP used to change the entry was registered in the home of the WWE. The obvious conspiracy theorist would say that the WWE planned the entire thing as a publicity stunt. But even Vincent Kennedy McMahon isn't that evil, right? I think that someone got one of the text messages from Benoit that said more than any other text of the several he sent. I doubt very much that that person will ever come forward.

Obviously, the WWE is on full damage control, their attorneys scrambling to answer questions and sending most of them to the authorities. Regardless, when I said earlier that I hoped this thing didn't get any uglier (I have edited the post since) I could never have expected this. Whether or not the Wikipedia thing has any more substance is up for argument. But an incredibly ugly situation just got uglier. I get the feeling that we're going to be hearing an even uglier side once toxicology reports are back in a few weeks. more...

NBA Draft from a man who lacks a favorite college basketball team, and a favorite NBA team who didn't have a pick in the entire thing. So, impartial.

Well, watched the first round of the NBA Draft with my good friend and fellow TSE blogger Paul Teeple, we chatted while we watched, and heres how it started:

Paul Teeple (7:34:44 PM): This is The Sports Elitists live blog for the 2007 NBA Draft

Paul Teeple (7:35:10 PM): I'm Paul Teeple who will be commenting on the ESPN broadcast of the draft along with Joe Table Blew It

-- Pretty GD official if you ask me. The first round started as predicted, as Greg Oden and Kevin Durant went one-two to the Blazers and Sonics, respectively. As Oden was drafted Mike Tirico, the host of tonight's proceedings on ESPN, reminded us of an obscure Oden fact morsel:

JTBI (7:38:44 PM): did you know Greg Oden shot free throws left-handed when his right wrist was injured?

Paul Teeple (7:38:49 PM): I had no idea.

--Then, the first big move of the night happened, Ray Allen to the Celtics for the fifth pick (Jeff Green), Delonte West and Wally World. Good trade for the Sonics, if Durant is ready and they resign Rashard Lewis. West gives them options if they choose to move Luke Ridnour, thaking over the role of, "person who lives on the trade block" from Jimmy Jackson.

--The third pick went as expected as well, Al Horford from Florida. This prompted the first of many Jay Bilas brain malfunctions:

JTBI(7:49:36 PM): "I think Al Horford is the most NBA ready right now"

JTBI (7:49:50 PM): thanks Jay, could have left it at NBA ready, we get it

Paul Teeple (7:50:01 PM): you're all about the economy of words
JTBI (7:50:20 PM): well think about it, does this make sense?
JTBI (7:50:38 PM): "I think Al Horford is the most NBA Ready in 7 years"
Paul Teeple (7:50:44 PM): fair point

--There's more from Jay Bilas, and I'm sure Teeple will touch on it as well.

Mike Conley Jr. of Ohio State goes to Memphis, as Teeple and I begin to notice the r-tard that is Joakim Noah:

Paul Teeple (7:52:22): Noah looks like Lisa Bonet from the Cosby Show... what happened to her?

JTBI (7:54:59 PM): wikipedia says... lisa bonet eloped with lenny kravitz on her 20th birthday

Paul Teeple(7:55:06 PM): there's no way that lasted
JTBI (7:55:21 PM): cosby didn't like it, kicked her off of her show and gave her a different world
JTBI (7:55:37 PM): divorced in '93

Paul Teeple (7:55:56 PM): then jasmine guy died and would up on showtime

OK, I'm already sick of managing this live blog, so this is all you get from me now, more tomorrow afternoon. Maybe then the Cavs will have signed some NDFA's

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詹姆斯國王

The title of this post roughly translates to "King James" in Mandarin Chinese. Lebron James recently confessed that he was studying the ancient language in preparation of the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. But the US team has to qualify first.

No, these are not your older brother's Dream Teams. Our boys have to qualify this Summer in the FIBA America's Tournament in July. Until very recently, James was unsure if he was going to play on the team, but now he has signed up completely, and will take the floor for Team USA next month, and--hopefully-- in Beijing. This is an important step for Lebron, who if he wants to solidify his status as the best player in the NBA, has to take advantage of every opportunity to prove it. In addition to that, Dwayne Wade will still remain apart of the team even though he is undergoing shoulder surgery this month, making it much harder for other superstars to turn their nose at International play. That being said, let's take a look as to who I think should be Team USA's starting lineup and bench based on commitments already received:

PG Chauncey Billups
SG Kobe Bryant
SF LeBron James
PF Carlos Boozer
C Amare Stoudemire

Bench:

PG Jason Kidd
PG Deron Williams
SG Mike Miller
SG Michael Redd
SF Tayshawn Prince
SF Kevin Durant
C Tyson Chandler
C Greg Oden

Pretty strong squad. It's nice to know that USA Basketball is back to figuring out that the key to any of these teams is strong play at the point guard position, and we have the point guards of Christmas past, present, and future in Kidd, Billups, and Williams on this team. If one of them doesn't play well, then there are two other guys that can step in and distribute to the prolific scorers that make up this team. It will also be one hell of a treat to see Durant and Oden play this summer, especially for those fans in Portland and Seattle-- a bit of a taste of what they can expect in the future. Coach K has a lot of promise on this team, and a lot of players who have shown their commitment to USA basketball, and are somewhat hungry to prove that the nation that invented the game is still the best at it. more...

Cold Pizza: in the news for all the right reasons

This is just becoming news over the AP wire and I am certainly not breaking it, but Woody Paige and Jay Crawford, hosts, annoying assholes and unwatchable sports "pundits" that they are, have been accused of sexual harassment by a former hair stylist and makeup artist for the show "Cold Pizza". The complaint has been denied (of course) by both of the accused but that doesn't make it any less funny.

"[Rita] Ragone, a makeup artist and hair stylist from the Bronx, claimed Paige once grabbed her backside so forcefully, she was "propelled forward and into the air."

Outstanding.

I have never really had a problem with Woody's particular brand of "commentary" and I always like it when he and Mariotti make it to the finals of "Around the Horn" so they can bicker and piss and moan and I can fast-forward through it on my TiVo (yes, I TiVo "Around the Horn"). And while this whole thing is interesting, it doesn't sound too surprising. With a name like Woody, wasn't it only a matter of time?

Other questions arise: If Jay Crawford gets fired for this, which is likely the inevitable conclusion if Ms. Ragone is justified in her claims, who would take his place as host of "First Take"? Would anyone notice? Can I grab Dana Jacobson's ass? more...

An Open Invitation to Dave Heller

Dave,

Well, needless to say all of us here at TSE were so surprised and flattered to see that you took such interest in my article about Brett Bielema and how he was able to completely embarrass the late Terry Hoeppner last year in Bloomington. While I have no intention to back down from my position that Bielema unnecessarily hung it on Coach Hep, and that certain ramifications will certainly come to fruition, I would like to move past it.

My esteemed colleague Ghost of Carl Monday took you to task this morning, and boy did that make me laugh. Instead of going down that same hilarious road, I would like to issue a challenge to you, or any of the other people that have decided to viciously attack my opinion on this site.

I love criticism, I actually thrive on it. I love sports so much that I can't stand being wrong, and when I am, I love it when people call me on it. So, if you think I am so unintelligent, let's give you a chance once and for all to prove it, since we seem to be at a stalemate with this whole Bielema issue. Mr. Heller, let's you and I talk 2007 Big Ten football for a half hour or so, with the full transcript appearing here on TSE. It seems to me that you reply to opinions and rarely have a chance to formulate one of your own. Well, here's your chance. I eagerly await your response.

Cheers,

Jed DeMuesy
(Joe Table Blew It) more...

I Am Number One

Now that we're pretty sure Greg Oden will be going number one, the real question is: will he embarrass himself with the suit he wears? Yes, on the last day of his life where Oden will not have to worry about a NBA dress code violation, will he dress to impress, or look like a complete fool? To predict the future, we must look to the past, so I present to you the draft day garb of every number one since 1997. First up, the recent four time NBA Finals winner, Tim Duncan.

Not exactly flashy, but not memorable either. Although, Duncan wasn't looking to make a statement on draft day , he knew his job was to make it happen on the court. Turns out he was able to do just that, making this cream -colored suit look that much better. Next up, the Kandi Man.

Brown. He must've known he was going to be drafted by the Clippers, and they must have known that he was going to amount to a substance of the same color. The only guy who can pull off a brown suit is Stone Phillips. And the light blue shirt underneath tells me that he was excited to play for the Clippers. Nobody is excited to play for the Clippers. Next, the Dukie, Elton Brand.

Straight up Men's Warehouse. Probably because Coach K gave him a speech that went a little something like this, "I do not, nor does David Stern judge a man by the suit he wears. Think of yourself not as a number one draft pick who wears suits, but as a developing NBA superstar who just so happens to be the number one pick that wear suits. Your life will not be determined by the $100 suit you wear on draft night, because your card is American Express." Next up is Kenyon Martin.

Slick, unlike his game in recent years. The three button suit is to provide more support for his bum shoulder, which would soon allow him to very quickly fall out of favor with Jason Kidd. Kwame Brown's turn.

The first and last highlight of his career was this custom made guy that he wore as he walked across the stage. Jordan probably dressed him in these threads, and continued to support him financially throughout his career, until His Airness incorrectly split 8's at the Belaggio last year. Next is Lebron, skipping Yao Ming because he did not show up for the draft, much like he continues not to show up in the playoffs.

The definition of ballin'. There is nothing to say, but all Hail King James. Not many people can pull this kind of suit off, then again not many people can score 48 against the Pistons either. Now for the Magic's Dwight Howard.

This suit probably doesn't even fit him anymore, have you seen this kid recently?

Sweet Moses, what a freak. Andrew Bogut's chance to impress.

You can tell he's from Utah because he's wearing a polygamist suit... one button for every wife. What a nerd. Now a guy with some Italian threads, Andrea Bargnani.

Classic look, and since the jury is still out on this guy's game, I will reserve judgement and not mention that as soon as Stern saw him turn the corner, he reached in his pocket for his valet ticket.

So, now it is up to Oden to go flash or sit back and let his game do the talking. Whatever the case, I'll be watching just to make fun of the inevitable horrible suit that Spencer Hawes will be sporting.

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The Morning After on TSE - 6.28.2007

Between new names, ex-girlfriends and a new Deadspin.com layout, a lot of things get lost in this, the daily shuffle of our lives here at TSE. We knew, of course that our dramatic prose, our cunning linguistic skills (giggity) and rapist's wit would eventually find its way outside these walls. And it finally has.

This is Dave Heller. He's a rather strapping man (Teeple: "he looks like Brad Garrett on meth") whose job it is to scan across the Internets looking for anything written about the Wisconsin (here we go again) Badgers in the local and national media for JSOnline, the online home of the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel. Apparently his job title is "sports producer" so if you want to get paid to blog and read blogs all day, then you want Dave's job. Anyway, he found the article that Jed--I mean Joe Table Blew It (JTBI, heretofore) wrote about Bret Bielema and his status as "Public Enemy No. 1 in Bloomington, IN". Here, the words of Mr. Heller:

The author, Jed DeMuesy, has declared Bret Bielema public enemy No. 1, apparently for Wisconsin's big win at Indiana last season, which also happened to be Terry Hoeppner's return to the Hoosiers.

Maybe DeMusey should be mad at Indiana. The Hoosier came out with a lot of emotion that day, but they quickly bungled things up with penalties and turnovers and all that emotion disappeared and probably worked against them.

Never mind that Heller spelled Jed's--I mean JTBI's name incorrectly (that's probably why he's the producer and not the editor, and thank God for that) and never mind the fact that no one here has ever, will ever or currently matriculates at Indiana University, though that has been the assumption since the original post. The point here is that no one from the bassackwards state of Wisconsin knows how to read anything. They can read into pretty much everything but when it comes to deciphering actual meaning, you're better off going to one of the Dakotas. The point of the article is, for the umpteenth fucking time, and say it with me now:

THERE IS KARMA IN THE BIG 10!!!!

Jesus Christ. We've determined that no one from Wisconsin can either read or spell but this is getting re-goddamn-diculous. But, we thank Hellre (how do you like it, buddy?) for the free press and publicity. Sitemeter says all 23 people in Wisco that can operate a computer without reenacting that scene from Zoolander, have been frequenting our lovely site. We keep this up and the sky's the limit.

And happy birthday to KSK. Keep up the good work. more...