Afternoon Delight and NHL playoff picks

It's almost 4, I have some work that I should probably get done (and probably won't) so I wanted to pick the Stanley Cup Playoffs in this space. But I have to take a dump, do at least some of the work in front of me and go home, all in the next hour. So here are the picks for the playoffs with little or no explanation whatsoever.

*Ed. note: I haven't followed hockey at all this year, save for the Blue Jackets (which is like following a suicide bomber into an Israeli open market) and the Stars. Fair warning: I'm almost completely talking out of my ass. Where's Seaward when you need him?

Eastern Conference

Boston Bruins vs. Montreal Canadiens

I haven't seen that many soft goals since [insert hockey-ism here]. 'Habs have taken 12 straight from the Bruins. Sounds about right. Montreal in 5

Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Ottawa Senators

When a 75-year old owns your shit, you're in trouble. Pens sweep.

New York Rangers vs. New Jersey Devils.

I don't think the Rangers are going to fold to New Jersey like Phil Leotardo's head against the Excursion in the finale of The Sopranos. Rangers in 5.

Washington Capitals vs. Philadelphia Flyers

In Ovechkin we trust. Caps in 6.

Western Conference

Detroit Red Wings vs. Nashville Predators

Fuck me running, I hate Detroit. I hate Zetterberg (I don't care if that's spelled correctly) and I hate Mike Babcock. But I also fucking despise all things from Tennessee, including the Preds. Here's hoping HockeyTown collapses on both teams. Detroit in 5.

San Jose Sharks vs. Calgary Flames

Coin flip (literally because I don't have a clue). Let's go with Flames in 7.

Minnesota Wild vs. Colorado Avalanche

Speaking of teams I absolutely fucking dread, these two are probably 3 and 4 on the list. But Colorado wins the series in 6, for reasons even I can't comprehend.

Anaheim Ducks vs. Dallas Stars

Yesterday, I would have thought Ducks in 4. But Turco came to play! And now it's time to waste 3 good'n's from the man from Michigan and watch the Ducks win in 7. Fuck.

So there's that. More from the second round...probably after it starts. Have a great weekend.