Tuesday, April 03, 2007

What do we do now?

Well, the college basketball season is officially over, and now all we have to watch is baseball, the NBA, or, as ESPN would have you to believe, the AFL is watchable. Right. This is the same network that a few years ago was telling us how much of a joke the AFL was. Now, it is shoving it down our throats as if they were always on board. Bon Jovi owns a team, so does John Elway. I could give a helicopter-in-the-superbowl-flying crap. You know why I don't care? Because the products and the players aren't good enough to stand alone.

If this league were any good, it wouldn't have to shorten the field or allow for stray kicks to stay in the field of play because of an all-encompassing net. There will never be a Herschel Walker type talent that chooses the AFL over the NFL, the league sucks, I don;t care how many points they score.

But it did get me thinking. What would it be like if certain players from the NFL suited up in the AFL? In an effort to peak your interest in the possiblity that this could possibly happen, I will pick one player from an NFL team and put them on the closest geographical AFL team.

Edgerrin James, Phoenix Rattlers- Many questioned the Edge's move from the Indianapolis Colts to the Arizona Cardinals, yet many people had no problem when James decided to switch leagues altogether. Unfortunately, Edge didn't realize that nobody ever runs in the AFL, and after only getting 5 carries in his first season as a Rattler, James brutally murdered Sherdrick Bonner. James contends that he didn't kill Bonner because of his lack of involvement on the field, but because "only 'crackers' should be named Sherdrick."

Andrew Walter, Los Angeles Avengers- Through getting his ass handed to him on the worst team in the NFL, Walter joins the Avengers and immediately becomes AFL MVP. To make the story even more compelling, he breaks Trent Green's leg, gets a job at a local LA grocery store, and has sex with Kurt Warner's wife several times.

Brian Urlacher, Chicago Rush- The quintessential NFL linebacker shocked the world when he jumped ship, and was also shoked to learn that he must also play center in addition to being middle linebacker for the Rush. Upon his first sensation of a quarterback's hand nestling up against his crotch, he questioned why he was so rough with all of the quarterbacks he sacked, yet the first one he directly encountered was so gentle with him.

Javon Walker, Colorado Crush- Javon Walker was brutally annihilated over one of those padded walls they have in that league, because the opposing team found out how bad he dogged Brett Favre. Even people in different leagues love Brett Favre.

Eddie Kennison, Kansas City Brigade- Coupled with the Chiefs reluctance to re-sign him and his inability to let go of the game, Eddie Kennision signed a two week contract with the Brigade. The NFL then declares that Kennison 15 years from now cannot blame Herman Edwards for his inability to help his 7 year old son blow out the candles on his birthday cake.

Troy Smith, Columbus Destroyers- After a terrible National Championship game against the Florida Gators, the Buckeye Heisman trophy winner had no choice but to join the AFL. If only he knew how close his real dad was to contacting him. Damn you, Jarvis Moss.

I left some of the high profile cities for you, our readers to come up with players of your own that have made the switch. I think it would be fantastic if the NFL, for just one year decided to play by AFL rules. No, wait, I don't, the AFL is God-awful and is a horrible imitation of the greatest game in the world.

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