TSE NFL Games of the Week

Well, first post in a while, and first post ever in the UP. Good to be back. The air is a lot fresher up here, and thats because we are pushing for no more sulfide mining. Billboards all across the UP state that Wisconsin has stopped doing it, we should too. Which I guess is a nice way of saying, "Good Lord, if Wisconsin can manage to do it, why can't we?" I'll leave it at that.

Aaaaanyway, moving on. The NFL is kicking off this week, and as always there are a slew of games that the powers that be at the League office and national networks every week think are more important than others. Naturally, they are right, and these games are more important than the others. Let's take a look:

Thursday Night: New Orleans v. Indianapolis

The Meddling Parents Bowl

Sure, on the surface this matchup looks like the Super Bowl champs hosting a team that fell a game short of making this a Super Bowl rematch. I urge all of you to look a little deeper. Take a look at the starting quarterbacks, for instance.

Peyton Manning is a good southern boy, raised to respect his elders. One of the biggest parts of respecting your elders is, of course, to keep the paychecks coming in to your daddy for as long as you can. Peyton loves his daddy, and will do anything to keep him relevant. Sportscenter commercials, week-long footballing camps, whatever Archie wants to do, Peyton can make it happen.

Now if that ain't the dag-gum cutest picture you've ever seen. Don't know what in tarnation could be. A ding-dang-do.

Conversley, Drew Brees hates his mother and would rather she just leave him alone.

Drew was none too happy that his mother was using his likeness in campaign ads. Now, would a good Southern boy like Peyton have done that to his Mommy if she were running for the 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals in Texas. No rootin'-tootin' way.

Which quarterback will prevail? The Daddy's boy or the Mom hater? NBC has all the action Thursday night.

Sunday Night: New York at Dallas

The Hardass Bowl

A match-up of divisional foes is just masking the real reason people should tune in. Now that Bill Parcells is out of the division, Tom Coughlin will be attempting to assert himself as the Hard-Ass coach of the division. This is definitely a high honor in the NFC East, considering that the likes of Tom Landry, Bill Parcells (twice), Barry Switzer (carrying a gun into an airport cemented his place) and Ray Rhodes has held this lofty honor. Wade Phillips is the newcomer, and the most direct threat .

Learning from the master. Coughlin has a tough road to hoe, but the news today that he got Tiki Barber to retire is only helping his cause.

Why are the other two coaches in the division not in the running? Well, the head coach fo the Redskins is a nice elderly gentleman, who likes to play with cars in his spare time. And all of the badassery in the Andy Reid bloodline apparently skipped a generation.

Grizzled veterans behind the mic. But only one can be the NFC East badass. Sunday Night on NBC.

Monday Night: Baltimore at Cincinnati

The Incarcerated v. The Acquitted

On the surface, a great matchup of two teams in what many regard as the hardest division in football, the AFC North. But, this in fact will prove once and for all: is a team better when they have players arrested for minor brushes with the law, such as selling alcohol to minors, or is the superior team one where the best player might have had a hand in murdering another human being, a much loftier charge, but was found innocent by a jury of his peers that may or may not have been assembled by Gene Upshaw? It's just a shame that Eric Steinbach isn't back with the Bengals this year. He was arrested last year after getting a DUI on a boat. Ray Lewis gets three of those in the inner harbor before breakfast.

Who will win-- petty criminals or pretty lucky streetwalkers? Monday Night Football on ESPN.

Monday Night: Arizona v. San Fransisco

The Beefcake Bowl

One could see this as a battle between up-and-coming teams in the up-and-coming NFC West. Really, the focus is on the two extremely dreamy quarterbacks who are really just trying to stay in the conversation until Brady Quinn makes his first start.

I do declare. Both crushingly pensive, yet ruggedly masculine. The early line goes to Smith with his positively inviting baby blues.

One dated Paris, one probably will in a few weeks. Can they not be hot for 60 minutes? Monday Night Football on ESPN!

There you have it. The real reasons these games will be featured this weekend. The best part about this article is that it guarantees that I will never be writing about the Browns all season. Fantastic.