Great Moments in TV Edit History

In all seriousness, one of my favorite things of all time is R-rated movies being edited for TV. It's always been my opinion that it takes a special kind of genius to turn a scene about farts in Mallrats into a scene about throwing up (seriously, ABC, is puking less offensive than farting?). Over the course of the last 25+ years, there have been some insanely amusing TV edits of R-rated films such as The Big Lebowski, Bad Santa and Animal House, but for this sports fan's money it just doesn't get any better than the climactic inning of Major League.

	Did I think about buying this? Yes I did.

With Wild Thing Vaughn getting ready to pitch to AL Triple Crown winner Clue Haywood with the bases loaded and 2 out in the top of the 9th, "the out [he's] been waiting [his] whole life for," Roger Dorn approaches the mound. The previous night Vaughn had unknowingly slept with Dorn's wife, only to find out later who she was, and Dorn is not happy. Now anyone who saw the movie in theaters or owns the DVD or VHS (I believe it's required of all Indians fans like JTBI and myself) knows what happens next... unless you're watching on United States television, in which case you hear this:

"Let's cut through the crap, Vaughn. I only got one thing to say to you: strike this GUY out."

On TV "GUY," of course, replaces the most notorious of 12-letter words. I wish there were legal versions of this on YouTube somewhere because it's so insane. You replace a four-syllable word with a three-letter word and don't adjust the volume or Dorn's lip movements or anything. It's just so great. I want all of you to find the next showing of Major League on TBS or where ever just so you can see this scene. The rest of the TV edit is hilarious ("I say: forget you, Jobu!"), but pales in comparison to Dorn's pep talk.