The Sports Elitists

Hello friends, and welcome to a shameless plug post.

2008-09-30T17:32:00.003-04:00

Welp, everyone else has pretty much left this bad bastard. I'm not about to follow suit, but I'm going to plug my newest sports blogging endeavor about my fledgling golf game and the same of the rest of the Interweb. So if you're a golfer and don't have anything better to do, check out This Game Ain't Easy. You'll be glad you did(n't)

GoCM's Top 5 SNES Games

2008-04-16T11:43:00.006-04:00

If I've learned anything over the last 24 years of my life, it's that the world almost certainly does not revolve around sports - it revolves around me, of course. That said we'll jump off-topic a bit and talk about the wonderful world that was the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. And since I'm running the show, here are my Top 5 SNES games*.*I'll be honest, I didn't buy/play all that many

TMA on TSE - You're the Immelman now, Dawg!

2008-04-14T10:00:00.001-04:00

Good morning. Not really. It's Monday morning and those are never particularly good in any situation. You could have gone to bed Sunday after banging a Perfect 10 model, a la Eric in Entourage and still hit that before going to work the next morning and it would still suck. Perhaps less than if you went to bed after, say, reading back issues of SI and masturbating, but that's neither here nor

Afternoon Delight and NHL playoff picks

2008-04-11T15:22:00.008-04:00

It's almost 4, I have some work that I should probably get done (and probably won't) so I wanted to pick the Stanley Cup Playoffs in this space. But I have to take a dump, do at least some of the work in front of me and go home, all in the next hour. So here are the picks for the playoffs with little or no explanation whatsoever. *Ed. note: I haven't followed hockey at all this year, save for the

TMA on TSE - A Tradition Unlike any Other

2008-04-11T10:27:00.005-04:00

Each morning, TSE will attempt to fill space and add to post count by posting a generic morning review post about something from the day before or the next day or whatever the hell they feel like writing. We call it The Morning After. Today's author is Ghost of Carl Monday.OK, who got drunk and changed everything around again? Couldn't have been Seaward, as he was probably out of Miller Chill.

GoCM's News and Views

2008-04-10T16:01:00.004-04:00

From time to time, I'll go ahead and straight up sleaze an idea away from someone else. because that's how I roll. Here, and with no apologies to Larry King or Seaward, GoCM's News and Views.The Tigers won a game. Great. I think I'll go piss my pants.In order: Masters > British > US Open > The Players > The Memorial > The PGA. Anyone who thinks otherwise is fooling themselves.I may be the only

TMA on TSE - We're back

2008-04-10T09:23:00.005-04:00

Hello, friends.... and welcome to the official re-opening of TSE. Yes, that's right, your ninth favorite sports/comedy/bad joke blog is back in action. Look for TMA posts, some News and Views, Playoff Picks Destined to go Wrong and all the ripping off of KSK and Deadspin you can handle. Maybe even a guest writer or two. Mmmmm mmmmm, bitch!For now, I just started back on the ol' computers so I

Nothing like some SEC basketball in Atlanta--HOLY SH*T THE SKY IS FALLING!

2008-03-15T14:08:00.003-04:00

By now it's common knowledge that the SEC tournament was interrupted by severe weather, to the extent that the game was delayed for and hour or so. Thankfully, no one was hurt and the game continued. Loser with Socks has the video of the game and what happened in real time. Having been to the Georgia Dome for a big tournament (the one where Ohio State beat Florida to win the NCAA Championship

TSE lies dormant, much like Seaward's c*** 13 months out of the year

2008-03-14T13:38:00.002-04:00

And I'm sick of seeing that fucking picture of LSU on the top of the page. Let's change that up, shall we? That's better. I love the body paint portion of the swimsuit edition. Is she naked? Is she clothed? Who cares - I'd still glaze that thing like a donut.More biting, if not mildly retarded sports commentary in the near (read: far) future.

The Morning after on TSE - 1.8.2008

2008-01-08T10:12:00.000-05:00

Here we are again. A year later and everything has changed. But nothing has changed. There are some things in this world that I, now, know are completely true. The SEC is full of incredibly hot women and depressingly fast football players. Ohio State is full of mildly retarded coaches, Jim Kelly wannabes and a football team that, for the second year in a row, couldn't even get to the base of

It's Christmas, and Barry Manilow's singing the hits...

2007-12-24T22:41:00.000-05:00

Hey there elitists. It's me, The Ghost. I'm here at wonderful WKRC in Cincinnati on Christmas Eve bidding all you out there in inter-highway land a happy Christmas. I get cable and the Interweb in my new apartment (and it's about time, I think I've watched the same 5 episodes of previously DVR-ed "Scrubs", "Good Eats" and "Family Guy" about 12 times by now) so I'll be able to make this more of a

Side effects of ESPN Motion may include...

2007-12-06T14:28:00.000-05:00

Oh, ESPN Motion, sometimes I think you're worse for the internet than pop-up ads and Rosie O'Donnell's blog combined.And that's when I am being generous.Seriously... I just can't stand ESPN.com's ESPN Motion feature. I think this is something we can all agree on.Recently, I'd honestly thought that ESPN Motion had been vanquished, especially in light of Deadspin's article over the summer

Game Day Experience -- Arkansas at LSU

2007-12-06T08:27:00.000-05:00

Over Thanksgiving weekend, a few friends and I undertook a roadtrip to some college football landmarks in the deep south to take in some high-quality pigskin action, both inside and outside the stadiums. Though it's two weeks later, I did want to share my experience there and rate it for you folks out there considering seeing a game at any of these stadiums. I plan to share similar accounts for

Baltimore's Babies

2007-12-04T08:44:00.000-05:00

The level-headed and always-classy Bart ScottSome credit to the Four-Letter Word this morning. ESPN.com's Mike Sando posted an insightful compilation of Ravens quotes following last night's stunningly thrilling Monday Night Football showdown between Baltimore and New England. What insight does said compilation offer, you might ask? It's quite simple:The Baltimore Ravens organization has created

I feel sick all over...

2007-11-11T11:53:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's the fact that I had to work for 12 hours yesterday. Maybe it's the cold General Tso's I had when I got back from said 12-hour shift. Maybe it's the fact that my TiVo is filled with old episodes of Scrubs and Family Guy, all of which I've seen about 700 times each. But more than anything, it's probably that, due mostly to the last three years, I'm nowhere near used to watching Ohio

[Redacted], News and Views -- 11.5.07

2007-11-05T11:11:00.001-05:00

Some random musings from the world of sports after a momentous weekend, including the enormous 4:05 ET Sunday NFL game with gargantuan playoff implications...All joking aside, the Browns are 5-3? With a schedule against a bunch of schmucks following next week's showdown in Pittsburgh? Holy crap, they could cruise into the playoffs at this point! I don't even know what to say.Thanks a million, BC,

Some questions for the OBC

2007-10-28T01:16:00.000-04:00

So, Steve...What's up buddy? How ya doin' tonight? Just, ah, just some questions for ya, here...1- Would Tennessee, too, be ranked #1 with Ohio State's schedule?2- Would Vanderbilt, of whom you think so highly, have walked into Beaver Stadium at night and curb-stomped Penn State?3- How does it feel to watch Philip Fulmer walk off the field with a shit-eating grin on his face after your team

Boycotting The World Series -- The Game 1 Live Blog

2007-10-24T23:23:00.000-04:00

I told you on Sunday night that I was boycotting the World Series Game 1, so I decided to share with the public both my reasons why and my methods for boycotting Red Sox v. Rockies in the Fall Classic. First off:THE REASONS1- 8:23 start times. These games just start way too late for someone whose alarm clock kicks on at 4:55 am. Seriously, Allan, couldn't your league start their games at a time

Festivus is still 2 months away, but I'm still airing grievances.

2007-10-21T23:57:00.000-04:00

OK, I'm gonna vent here... and I just don't care.Boston: you do not fucking deserve this. Your team is full of assholes. Your ace is an asshole. Your cleanup hitter is an asshole. Your rookie of the year is an asshole. Every member of your $100 million dollar overseas investment's media entourage is an asshole. Your bought-and-paid-for Media Relations wing in Bristol, CT, is a campus full of

A Five Game ALCS? THIS IS CLEVELAND!!

2007-10-18T12:11:00.000-04:00

Come on now, fellow Indians fans, you didn't think it would be that easy, did you?You didn't think our guys could just reel off four straight against the team they tied for the best record in the whole damn league, did you? Did you?!?Listen, nothing is ever that easy for the Indians in October. In 1995, the year the Tribe lapped the frigging field in the A.L., the Mariners (the Mariners!!) even

Whatever.

2007-10-12T13:07:00.000-04:00

Sox in 6, Rox in 5Sox/Rox on Fox...This thing is predestined.

It's Always Sunny on TSE -- The Seaward Picks the LCSes

2007-10-11T18:22:00.000-04:00

Don't worry, this man has nothing to do with the League Championship SeriesLet the ESPN stories about poor LCS ratings begin!Right Brain: So, I was 100% right with my Division Series picks.Left Brain: Er, no...Right Brain: Sure I was.Left Brain: Yeah, here's the thing--Right Brain: Dude, I SAID my NLDS would be wrong.Left Brain: OK, but you can't just make picks, announce you'll be wrong, then

An Open Letter to Chip Caray

2007-10-09T08:47:00.000-04:00

Shitty <---> AwesomeDear Chip Caray,You suck.I never thought so before, but you are a genuinely horrendous broadcaster. I must have been blinded as an Indians fan who adopted the Chicago Cubs as his NL team. I must have been taken in by your homeristic coverage of the Lovable Losers through the 1990s. I must have given you a free pass because who your grandfather was (though curiously I never did

Karma

2007-10-06T22:04:00.000-04:00

Wisconsin, time to take a good, hard look at the man who ruined your season. His name is Ron Zook. Sure, a year from now we will all come to realize that the Zooker paid all of these athletes that beat your beloved Badgers today, but for now... I have been vindicated. The Sports Elitists have been vindicated. And, most importantly, Terry Hoeppner has exacted his revenge. Oh and by the way, his

When We're Right, We're Right.

2007-10-06T15:44:00.000-04:00

I can't stop laughing. Seriously. I've been [getting paid to] watch college football all day. And I've been re-reading some old posts here. Anyway, here's a headline on Si.com's college football page that pretty much sums up why I can't stop laughing:HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Eat our fuck, Wisco. Suck our cock, Dave Heller. Fuck you in the pants, Brett Bielema. And have fun in the Crapital One Bowl,

It's Always Sunny on TSE -- "The Gang Picks the Division Series"

2007-10-03T16:28:00.000-04:00

The aviators mean I'm cool, right?So here are my picks for the MLB Playoff Division Series. You may be asking yourself why I included a picture of myself in aviators with this post... the truth is, I don't know. Consider it an homage to the random photos on Free Darko or something. Anyway...ALDS:Red Sox over Angels, 3 games to 2Idunno, something tells me this series is going the distance and

MNF liveblog...sort of

2007-10-01T21:42:00.000-04:00

I have Chad Johnson and the Pats kicker who isn't Adam Vinatieri against Carson Palmer and Wes Welker tonight. I was up 25 going into the game. And now, from the 2nd quarter. Okay...here we go. Bungles on the 2. It's Kenny Watson time, baby! No Carson points, no problem. Wait, play action? They're passing from the 2? Who are they gonna throw to... fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

It's Always Sunny on TSE - "The Gang Picks the Weekend" Part II

2007-09-21T13:24:00.000-04:00

Outstanding.Here are your 5 selected college locks 'o' the week.Ohio State (-23.5) over Northwestern.After OState's first few home games, I would doubt that the Buckeyes could even put 23 points on the board, but Boeckman turned around at UW and the defense is too good. And NW just lost to Duke. In football.Alabama (-3.5) over GeorgiaI'm buying the Tide at home, if only so Nick Saban can

It's Always Sunny on TSE - "The Gang Picks the Weekend"

2007-09-21T10:09:00.000-04:00

I love this show.Anyway, here are selected picks, or Locks 'o' the Week as I am wont to call them (home teams in bold):Baltimore (-8) over ArizonaBaltimore may only score 9 points, but that will be enough to cover.Carolina (-4) over AtlantaYou can take the dog out of the fight, but you can't take the...wait, too easy. Atlanta is awfully woeful this year and Steve Smith is all-world. Blowout in

TSE's Best of the Best of...Sports Media

2007-09-11T13:24:00.000-04:00

As a running feature, TSE will bring you the Best of the Best of... (gotta find a more concise title) and today's feature is Sports Media and we begin with The newest Nike Football commercial.I have seen this commercial about 20 times and I'm still not sick of it. In fact, I'm still trying to find something, anything, wrong with it. Seriously, I stop fast-forwarding commercials on my DVR so

Weekend Selections - The Seaward

2007-09-07T10:25:00.000-04:00

(Home teams in bold)NCAA Week 2#2 LSU over #9 Virginia Tech -- The Tigers don't give a rat's ass about America's Team.#3 West Virginia over Marshall -- WE ARE. INSANELY OVERMATCHED.#4 Florida over Troy -- Can DeMarcus Ware get a 5th year of eligibility to make this interesting? Please?#5 Oklahoma over Miami -- It wasn't too long ago that this game would've been relevant...#5 Wisconsin over UNLV -

TSE NFL Games of the Week

2007-09-04T16:40:00.000-04:00

Well, first post in a while, and first post ever in the UP. Good to be back. The air is a lot fresher up here, and thats because we are pushing for no more sulfide mining. Billboards all across the UP state that Wisconsin has stopped doing it, we should too. Which I guess is a nice way of saying, "Good Lord, if Wisconsin can manage to do it, why can't we?" I'll leave it at that.Aaaaanyway, moving

The Evening Of on TSE -- 9.4.07

2007-09-04T16:35:00.000-04:00

The Magic Number and September Baseball... they go together like peanut butter and ladies."We go together like cocaine and waffles and alimony!"The Magic Number, of course, is a figure that represents the total number of first place team wins combined with second place team losses that would clinch the division/wild card for that particular team. When a team's magic number reaches 1 they are

Profiles in Courage: Hilliard Davidson HS

2007-09-04T12:41:00.000-04:00

High School football in Columbus, Ohio isn't the religious experience it is in Texas and Pennsylvania, but from time to time, we Columbusites (Columbusans? Columbophiles?) sometimes strike the jackpot.Hilliard Davidson HS, one of a few schools in the Columbus suburbs, was frequented with several acts of graffiti by rival school Hilliard Darby HS, proclaiming that their school sucked. Whether

A sports day to remember

2007-09-02T01:10:00.000-04:00

The "official" "Re-Launch" of TSE will start on Monday and Tuesday but how can a sports blog not mention something about a day like this in the sports world? We start early in the day in Columbus...I am a Buckeye fan through and through but this season, especially after the debacle that was last season, came with a lot of questions. Can Todd Boeckman and company replace Troy Smith, Tedd Ginn

¿Dónde estan Los Sports Elitists?

2007-08-22T17:07:00.000-04:00

We're still here. Don't worry. JTBI is in Michigan, Seaward is down in Kentucky, and I'm kicking it in Oxford, Ohio. We'll be back up when we all are settled and I stop taking naps in lieu of studying for Spanish. So get ready.

On the Move

2007-08-15T15:59:00.000-04:00

If you've been noticing a dearth of posts by The Seaward lately on this here blogging premises, there's a good reason for it: like JTBI, I, too, (holy comma, Batman!) have a new job and am in the process of moving from here......to here...I'll be all settled by the middle of next week, so look for more post volume from me around then, apologies for the slow posting weeks.

The Morning After on TSE - 8.13.2007

2007-08-13T08:14:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm back from vacation, where I was supposed to play golf at any number of nice courses in the Carolinas. Needless to say, the heat index was somewhere around 115 degrees all week, which barely made it tolerable to swim in the bath water that was the Atlantic Ocean so much of my vacation was spent watching TV, drinking Yuengling, and reading Mahler's "The Bronx is Burning", which I

I Think I'm In Love

2007-08-08T17:33:00.000-04:00

From today's ESPN Ombudsman article:I wish ESPN would consider adding to its lineup a crisp, half-hour, nightly news version of SportsCenter -- just news and highlights, without gimmicks or sponsored segments or recaps, without self- or cross-promotion, with a consistent anchor team accountable for a consistent tone, with spare to no use of instant commentary. A prime-time island of clean, clear,

Where were you when?

2007-08-08T10:12:00.000-04:00

As Seaward mentioned in today's TMA, Barry Bonds became the Home Run King of Major League Baseball last night/early this morning. I made it a point to watch the game two nights ago and was disappointed not to see the record set. I don't know what was going through my head last night when I decided to go up to my room and try to finish "The Bronx is Burning" (the book, not the miniseries, both

The Morning After on TSE -- 8.8.07

2007-08-08T08:20:00.000-04:00

Well, it's over. Barry Bonds has the all-time career home run record in Major League Baseball.Anyone who knows me knows that I was amongst the many who said over the past month "Barry's going to break it, I just want him to get it over with, once he's done it baseball can be normal again." It's a jaded, cynical view, I agree; by last weekend it was probably the most prevalent viewpoint in the

The Morning After on TSE - 8.3.2007

2007-08-03T08:00:00.000-04:00

After today, I will be going on vacation to the simple recesses of Edisto Beach, South Carolina. It is a quiet beach island an hour away from Charleston and is just a stones throw from some great golf, including:The Ocean Course at Kiawah, site of the 2012 PGA Championship (mark it down)Carolina National Golf Club, a Freddy Cuplando designDaufuskie Island Golf ResortWild Dunes, the classic Tom

The Morning After on TSE - 8.2.2007

2007-08-02T09:34:00.000-04:00

From time to time there are events that happen and these events draw us away from the world of sports. Something like that happened in Minneapolis last night when a busy bridge collapsed into the Mississippi River during rush hour. Wow. And I mean 'Wow' in the worst way. The stories coming out of Minnesota are unbelievable. People saying that they were driving one minute and dropping,

A Huge National Practical Joke?

2007-08-01T10:54:00.000-04:00

I swear to all things good and pure: I just don't see it. I don't get it. I don't understand.How, how, HOW are the Boston Celtics going from literally the worst team in the Eastern Conference to a consensus conference favorite amongst national media analysts? I know, I know, "Seaward, they traded for KG!"Overrated acquisition? No. Overrated team? Yes.So?Everyone has taken great glee in ripping

The Morning After on TSE - 8.1.2007

2007-08-01T08:20:00.000-04:00

August brings with it many things. School, for some, begins in this month. I used to be out the requisite $50+ on dinner and a gift for a money-grubbing whore very nice and respectful young lady I used to date back in High School. But in sports, it primarily means that the grind that is summer is coming to a close. Yes, August is still hotter than an Ana Ivanovic/Natalie Gulbis/GoCM Three-way,

The New Second City Part 2: The Gathering Storm

2007-07-30T15:02:00.001-04:00

This is the second in a three-part series by GoCM about the city of Columbus and it's most successful and heartbreaking year in sports.Once bowl season had all but finished, the national picture became much more clear. Big 10 #2 Michigan suffered its second loss of the season, this time at the hands of the USC Trojans, who won in convincing fashion. The win did not mean much in the grand scheme

The New Second City Part 1: The Build Up

2007-07-30T13:22:00.000-04:00

This is the first in a three-part series by GoCM about the city of Columbus and it's most successful and heartbreaking year in sports.The Columbus Destroyers were certain underdogs heading into Sunday's ArenaBowl XXI in New Orleans. They faced a confident and efficient San Jose SaberCat team that was in almost perfect form. The Destroyers put forth their worst effort since the regular season's

The Morning After on TSE / TSE Birthday Bash - 7.30.2007

2007-07-30T08:02:00.000-04:00

We'll go ahead and keep things rather easy this morning (it was a long weekend and my head is barely on straight two days after my last adult beverage) for two rather special birthdays today, one of which is only slightly belated.July 29, 2007Happy birthday and Happy Arrival to JTBI's newest family member, John DeMuesy Okuma, who was born to JTBI's sister and brother in law sometime yesterday.

TSE ArenaBowl Preview - San Jose vs. Columbus

2007-07-27T16:10:00.000-04:00

It all comes down to this. ArenaBowl XXI will begin in just about 48 hours from posting and will pair two teams with one another that, given the AFL playoff landscape four weeks ago, shouldn't have had anything to do with one another. The first team, the mighty San Jose SaberCats, advanced to the league's championship with little in the way of opposition. The 63-49 beating of Chicago in the

The Morning After on TSE - 7.27.2007

2007-07-27T08:41:00.000-04:00

Before you know it, the Big-10 may need a new name. Not because there are eleven teams in the league right now, but because The league's commissioner of the conference says it may be time to add another team to the mix in order to boost the viewership for the new flagship station of the conference: The Big-10 Network. Adding a team to the current Big 10 would bring the total to 12 teams. And that

What's eating Baby Dustin?

2007-07-26T14:49:00.000-04:00

In the interest of equal time, I really couldn't figure out Dustin Pedroia's behavior last night...Maybe someone stole his bib and sippy cup. Dustin, please calm down; if you start yelling at pitchers whenever they come in high and tight or scream at the umpire every time a nasty two-strike curveball catches you looking, you may earn the nickname "Ivan Rodriguez." Just trying to help, dude.

The Morning After on TSE - 7.25.2007

2007-07-25T08:55:00.000-04:00

I didn't get a chance to comment on the return of Red Sox pitcher Jon Lester yesterday, which seems like the first feel good story in sports in a long time, but by now we all know the rub: Last year when the injury bug bit pretty much every player on Boston's lineup (Ortiz: knee; Beckett: arm; Manny: brain (probably)) it was reported that rookie pitcher (7-3 at the time, to boot) was also going

And in other sports-related trial news...

2007-07-24T16:23:00.000-04:00

I don't want to make fun of obesity or surgery, doctors or football coaches, but from time to time, a situation presents itself when you get to hit all four with one post. Now is that time. A Suffolk County jury came back with a verdict against Notre Dame football coach Charlie Weis in his malpractice claim against two Massachusetts General Hospital surgeons, both of whom Weis blamed for botching

How to deal with Michael Vick

2007-07-24T11:11:00.000-04:00

It has occurred to me how to best deal with this Vick business: a mock trial!My name is Judge!

The Morning After on TSE - 7.24.2007

2007-07-24T08:08:00.000-04:00

Let the shitstorm begin for former Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick. You would think the guy has enough kibble on his plate but yesterday, Der Kommissar Roger Goodell decided to add even more. Right after the quarterback's handlers announced that Vick would be taking a leave of absence from the team, the NFL commissioner made sure Vick knew that even if he decided to prematurely end his leave he

The Something After on TSE - 7.23.2007

2007-07-23T15:15:00.000-04:00

Sorry, again for the lack of posting in the morning. I was off computers and, thus couldn't post. Seaward was probably doing his radio show and JTBI was likely being talked off the ledge after taking Tiger in this week's Open (Choi, my pick, did okay but fell apart on the scoring holes on the back nine over the weekend). Anyway, expect much more from TSE this week including our newest feature:

The Morning After Redux - NL MVP Race

2007-07-20T12:28:00.000-04:00

And now, GoCM's NL MVP favorites.These picks are going to be a bit, what are the words, out there. At least two of them will be. We'll start in the NL East Jose Reyes The numbers really aren't there for Reyes at first glance. But this award isn't all about the numbers. Reyes is the best player on the Metropolitans and has been all year. He was an All-Star at short for the NL and so far this year,

The Morning After on TSE - 7.20.2007

2007-07-20T08:17:00.000-04:00

We are just over halfway through baseball season and already, several candidates have emerged as MVP favorites and contenders. But for the first time in recent memory, some of the team's these players play for are anything but that. At the season's half-way point (a little belated, albeit) my MVP candidates are either in difficult playoff races or so far out that they might as well be booking

TSE Week in Golf - The [British] Open Championship

2007-07-19T09:52:00.001-04:00

The British Open Championship is well on its way as I type this, a fact that I only recently figured out, what with Carnoustie being five hours ahead of us here in the States. That said, I probably should have written this yesterday. But I was too lazy to do work, both here and at work so here we are.Awfully boring tangents aside, The British Open is the year's third Major championship and we're

Great Moments in TV Edit History

2007-07-19T09:09:00.000-04:00

In all seriousness, one of my favorite things of all time is R-rated movies being edited for TV. It's always been my opinion that it takes a special kind of genius to turn a scene about farts in Mallrats into a scene about throwing up (seriously, ABC, is puking less offensive than farting?). Over the course of the last 25+ years, there have been some insanely amusing TV edits of R-rated films

The Morning After on TSE - 7.19.2007

2007-07-19T08:15:00.000-04:00

Live from New York, it's LeBron James.That's what they should probably say to kick off the season premier of NBC's once brilliant, now aging sketch comedy show, Saturday Night Live. LeBron James will host the premier later in the year. I've been a fan of SNL since I can remember but it has certainly become a shell of it's former self in the last five or six years, bringing in awful stage acts (

Dear. God. I. Want. This. Room.

2007-07-18T15:52:00.000-04:00

I constantly hear about how a team's fan base is more aggressive or rampant about their team, or at least more so than Ohio State's. Submitted above is evidence to the contrary. Go ahead and put your Bear Bryant replica hats on the mantle and hang your "Play Like a Champion Today" posters above your door. I'll take the Horseshoe room any day of the week, twice on Saturday.(h/t: With Leather

[Redacted], News and Views No. 2

2007-07-18T13:21:00.000-04:00

Here is yet another edition of your total ripoff of homage to Larry King with [Redacted], News and Views (it's been awhile since my last TNV so there will be some older material in here as well)...Did you hear that David Beckham is coming to the LA Galaxy? News to me.The NY Rangers loading themselves for bear could be the best thing to happen to the NHL this offseason.Has any North American pro

The Morning After on TSE - 7.18.2007

2007-07-18T08:31:00.000-04:00

Ah computers. We often times forget how meaningful they are until the evil overlords at work kick me off of them to do manual labor. Tragic. But now for something special, nigh unheard of around these parts: I'm going to flip-flop on something. It doesn't happen much so savor the flavor.Awhile back, I posted about the beginning of this whole Michael Vick Dogfighting saga. The goal of this post

The Something After on TSE - 7.17.2007

2007-07-17T12:11:00.000-04:00

I am not against scratching my own back or the back of another when the situation merits. And here at TSE, all of us are at our best when we're complementing ourselves. Which is why I am going to take this post to congratulate (or h/t, to use the parlance of the blogosphere) JTBI, wait, scratch that, Jed DeMuesy (the strapping young gent pictured above, in the center) who last night became the

The Something After on TSE - 7.16.2007

2007-07-16T13:07:00.000-04:00

So the evil overlords at...wherever it is I work...have decided to have me box (giggity) up files and take the boxes (giggity) up to another room and then stack and store the boxes (giggity). And every now and then I run by a file with a "6" and a "9" in consecutive order and then put it in a box. That, friends, is the Alpha and the Omega of what gets me through my work day. Hence, I was

It's happening...

2007-07-14T21:10:00.000-04:00

"Do you believe in Miracles? YES!" " The Giants win the Pennant! The Giants win the Pennant!" "I don't believe what I just saw!" There's something new to add to the list: "THE COLUMBUS DESTROYERS ARE GOING TO THE ARENABOWL!"

You Arena Football Conferece Championships Preview

2007-07-13T15:30:00.000-04:00

Yep - it's that slow a day here at TSE. JTBI is job-hunting and Seaward, well, God alone knows what he's doing. Me? I'm just trying to get to 5pm so I can go home. So in order to kill some time, I present your AFL Conference Championship Preview. American ConferenceNot surprisingly, since my last post on the AFL, popularity for the league has skyrocketed.* People from all corners of the world are

The Morning After on TSE - 7.13.2007

2007-07-13T08:32:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday the 13th, yo.Anyway...Mark Cuban, Major League Baseball owner?Well, Cubes is trying; the Dallas Mavericks owner has submitted his application to buy the Chicago Cubs to Bud Selig & Co. It seems like a great idea on paper and I, as a lifelong Indians fan who eons ago adopted the Cubbies as his NL team, am absolutely in favor of one of North American sport's best owners taking over one

The Morning After on TSE - 7.12.2007

2007-07-12T08:30:00.000-04:00

It's all downhill from here. In a good way. It's July 12th, the MLB All-Star Game is over and we past the slowest day in the sports world. From this day forward, every sport starts to pick up steam. Presented now is a schedule of what to expect in the coming weeks from different sports, different media outlets and the rest of the sports world.Golf: The British Open The event (called "The Open" by

Baseball's Summer Blockbusters and Bombs Part 3

2007-07-11T18:49:00.000-04:00

It is officially one of the two slowest sports days of the summer (and tomorrow will be no picnic), so let's take the time allotted by the sports gods to compare 2007 MLB teams by division to movies released this summer.A.L. West1st place -- Los Angeles Angels of AnaheimBacked by an owner with infinity billion dollars and carried by an incredibly underrated cast. Their name doesn't make a lot of

How to save the NHL in one simple step

2007-07-11T18:01:00.000-04:00

So, the NHL has decided to have a game outside, at Ralph Wilson Stadium (home of the Buffalo Bills) matching the Pittsburgh Penguins against the Buffalo Sabres. This is one of the many attempts to make the NHL relevant again after sitting out a whole season a few years ago, and it will fail too. Nevermind the fact that this game will be on New Year's Day, a day always reserved for college

Victor Martinez was robbed, and nobody seems to care

2007-07-11T14:13:00.000-04:00

We live in a day where nothing is ever good enough anymore. Spurs win four championships since 1999, still many question their viability as a dynasty. A-Rod goes for 30 and 86 in the first half, and the city of New York still doesn't care if he leaves at the end of the month. Kelly Slater wins 8 surfing trophies and is bounced in the first round of Who's Now. As of July 10,2007, you can now add:

The Morning After on TSE - 7.11.2007

2007-07-11T13:33:00.000-04:00

Update: Aaron Rowand made the last out of the ballgame, and I forgot to analyze that. All told, I still think you give credit to the All-Stars who made the lineup and give them the chance, even if Pujols is available. Rowand is currently hitting at a higher clip than Hudson is and with more HRs, though Pujols could probably play CF more effectively (though there may be some issues covering the

The 2007 Mid-Summer Classic...Live-Blogged for your Pleasure

2007-07-10T20:31:00.000-04:00

Hello all, GoCM here and I'm going to be live-blogging as much of this game as I can, perhaps taking some breaks. I'll be updating after each half inning so keep your fingers on that F5 button. Some other TSEers may be joining in later.The game is on Fox, and will be called by Joe Buck and Tim McCarver (oh joy).Pregame8:32 - Chris Isaac "singing" the National Anthem. If he's not singing "Wicked

The Morning After on - BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK!

2007-07-10T08:39:00.000-04:00

So the Home Run Derby was last night in San Francisco, which means two things: first, the 2-hour time slot was, at best, wishful thinking (three freaking hours long!!!). And second, that Chris Berman, the smartest person in sports, gets to take center stage with his cliches, knowledge of local geography, nicknames and, of course, his now patented "BACK BACK BACK..." call for each and every home

Baseball's Summer Blockbusters and Bombs Part 2

2007-07-09T20:54:00.000-04:00

It is officially one of the two slowest sports days of the summer (Wednesday will be worse, promise), so let's take the time allotted by the sports gods to compare 2007 MLB teams by division to movies released this summer.A.L. Central1st place -- Detroit TigersStarted way ahead of the curve thanks to their recent success and have built on it so far this year. Lots of big names in the lineup.The

I, for one, welcome our new AFL overlords

2007-07-09T14:44:00.000-04:00

Seaward is right: this is an unbearable week for sports. No real baseball (even though the All Star Game "counts" now) until Thursday and no football for another 6 or 7 weeks. Yes, there is the WNBA but I'll cut off my balls with a rusty spoon before watching that. Yet in the midst of all of this boredom comes the lone beacon of home to get us to real football season.The AFL, of course.Through

Baseball's Summer Blockbusters and Bombs Part 1

2007-07-09T13:20:00.000-04:00

It is officially one of the two slowest sports days of the summer (Wednesday will be worse, promise), so let's take the time allotted by the sports gods to compare 2007 MLB teams by division to movies released this summer.A.L. East1st place -- Boston Red SoxI haven't seen a better team so far this summer; they're solid top to bottom. They have a strong Japanese influence and sit atop the

The Morning After on TSE - 7.9.2007

2007-07-09T09:00:00.000-04:00

We're almost two weeks clear of the 2007 NBA Draft and the NBA's summer league has begun with some interesting results. Well, interesting is probably too strong of a word. The NBA is boring enough (just ask any Nielsen family about the 2007 Finals) but now we're talking about exhibition basketball with minor league rosters and it's getting covered like the Superbowl. And I get this: the draft was

Who's Now in a good way, besides Barry Bonds.

2007-07-07T11:33:00.000-04:00

Here's the problem with "Who's Now." I know, I know, all of you love it so much, because over 140,000 of you voted Peyton Manning more Now over Amanda Beard. But, unfortunately, there is a problem. It's not Who's Now, it's really What's Now. What is Now? For example if, your boss told you that he needed the report now, would you give it to him 32 days from when he required it? That is what ESPN

Is it 5pm yet?

2007-07-06T16:50:00.000-04:00

a long day at the officeUnless you count that pesky year-long hiatus we took that spanned May 2006 through April of 2007, this was one of the laziest weeks in TSE's illustrious history. I blame the Wednesday national holiday and this being the slowest week in recorded sports history, save for a freakin' hot dog eating contest (that was awesome!). Look forward to some posting over the weekend and

Profiles in Courage: Sergio Garcia

2007-07-06T09:09:00.000-04:00

The following story is true and after a month of digging, has been confirmed by five separate people and the blog of one of the individuals involved.Behind maybe Chris DiMarco, the best golfer on tour not to win a Major Championship has to be Sergio Garcia. He has always been a bit of a Streisand to me, but you can't knock his skill. At the end of May, Sergio put those skills on display at Jack's

The Morning After on TSE - 7.5.2007

2007-07-05T08:14:00.000-04:00

I have to hand it to ESPN. Even after Seaward nailed down 100 things to hate about the sports network to which we are all slaves (whether we want to be or not) they keep churning out new, better and more hateable things everyday. Let's have a nice, open-hearted discussion, then, about one of the worst things to happen to sports television since "Playmakers" got booted from the air (that's a long

Pepper needs new shorts!

2007-07-04T12:58:00.000-04:00

Richard Shea, you are a ridiculous human being.I know this is probably the dominion of Awful Announcing, but I just can't resist. Every year, I like to take in the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating contest on the Fourth of July. It's kinda silly to watch grown men feed their face on a sports-oriented television network... but it's kinda fun. BY FAR the best part of the competition is the booth. In this

2007 BCS Conference Team Preview: West Virginia

2007-07-03T16:01:00.000-04:00

As part of TSE's Countdown to College Football, TSE regular Joe Table Blew It will preview all of the BCS conference teams: The Big XII, Big 10, ACC, SEC, Big East, Pac-10, and Notre Dame. This post focuses on West Virginia University, who will attempt to overcome the underdogs and make it back to the BCS.The Mountaineers were riding high coming in to the 2006 college football season. They had

Happy 4th of July

2007-07-03T15:28:00.000-04:00

I would like to offer my apologies for my lack of posting today and yesterday. I took the day off work Monday and actually had to do work today at...wherever it is I work...so I was unable to slack off, blog and get paid to do it (ah, the benefits of having access to the Internets at a place of business). Thanks to Seaward for taking care of that today. In response to one commenter, I will

2007 BCS Conference Team Preview: USC

2007-07-03T12:39:00.000-04:00

As part of TSE's Countdown to College Football, TSE regular Joe Table Blew It will preview all of the BCS conference teams: The Big XII, Big 10, ACC, SEC, Big East, Pac-10, and Notre Dame. This post focuses on the University of Southern California, and their attempt to solidify their place as the college football dynasty of the 2000's.It is hard to imagine that a school that has produced two

The Morning After on TSE - 7.3.2007

2007-07-03T09:23:00.001-04:00

The Ghost is just that this morning, so I'll be providing your Morning After goodness here today... which in and of itself is pretty amusing granted I'm hosting the show of same name at the same time.Anyway, Yi Jianlian is kind of a dick.His "people" are kind of dicks too, when you think about it. I really can't get down with their insisting that Yi go to a city with what they consider to be a

2007 BCS Conference Team Preview: Ohio State

2007-07-02T23:12:00.000-04:00

As part of TSE's Countdown to College Football, TSE regular Joe Table Blew It will preview all of the BCS conference teams: The Big XII, Big 10, ACC, SEC, Big East, Pac-10, and Notre Dame. This post focuses on Ohio State University, and their attempt to win three straight Big 10 Championships.The big question last year in Columbus was could Ohio State replace their vaunted defense from 2005? That

2007 BCS Conference Team Preview: Florida

2007-07-02T21:50:00.000-04:00

As part of TSE's Countdown to College Football, TSE regular Joe Table Blew It will preview all of the BCS conference teams: The Big XII, Big 10, ACC, SEC, Big East, Pac-10, and Notre Dame. This post focuses on The University of Florida, and their attempt to repeat as National Champions.Florida really knew the right way to celebrate their 100th season of playing football: they beat the unbeatable

End Fan Suffrage -- MLB Edition

2007-07-02T13:25:00.000-04:00

Every year every sport (except football!) goes through a process of the fans voting on the starting lineups at their respective all-star games. This yearly song-and-dance nearly always ends in bad snub leading a national media outcry that the fans don't know dick. And you know if the national media says it, it must be true!!Well here's the thing... this time it is true.This year's example: Ivan

The Morning After on TSE - 7.2.2007

2007-07-02T10:39:00.000-04:00

So I decided to take the morning off work. So here's your TMA post.Roger Federer is good at tennis and shit.You get the idea.More later.

All aboard the new handle bandwagon!

2007-07-01T21:12:00.000-04:00

Well, all the cool kids are doing it...Seriously, it's silly of me to not fit in with the other two guys so I will henceforth be known on this site as "The Seaward." For those of you not up with Arrested Development... go rent the DVD's. Seriously. Don't come back until you've watched them.[Reeeee-dacted]

My Summer Project: Tennis -- Part I

2007-07-01T16:58:00.000-04:00

So every summer I try and set out one project for myself such as traveling to Greece (2000) or seeing the Hockey Hall of Fame (2006). This summer I have set myself a new goal: learn to play tennis. I've decided that in order to try and keep myself on task, I will update all of you TSE weekend faithful every Sunday of my progress toward this goal.So here you go with update number one:SUNDAY, JULY

The Morning After on TSE - 6.29.2007

2007-06-29T08:14:00.000-04:00

Things just keep getting weirder and weirder in the Chris Benoit story. If that's possible. Since the last post, they've confirmed that Benoit likely strangled his wife on Saturday, smothered his son on Sunday, placed Bibles by both of the bodies, which were in different rooms, before hanging himself sometime on Monday. The bodies were discovered by authorities on Monday afternoon.Here's where it

NBA Draft from a man who lacks a favorite college basketball team, and a favorite NBA team who didn't have a pick in the entire thing. So, impartial.

2007-06-28T23:51:00.000-04:00

Well, watched the first round of the NBA Draft with my good friend and fellow TSE blogger Paul Teeple, we chatted while we watched, and heres how it started: Paul Teeple (7:34:44 PM): This is The Sports Elitists live blog for the 2007 NBA DraftPaul Teeple (7:35:10 PM): I'm Paul Teeple who will be commenting on the ESPN broadcast of the draft along with Joe Table Blew It-- Pretty GD official if

詹姆斯國王

2007-06-28T16:39:00.000-04:00

The title of this post roughly translates to "King James" in Mandarin Chinese. Lebron James recently confessed that he was studying the ancient language in preparation of the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. But the US team has to qualify first.No, these are not your older brother's Dream Teams. Our boys have to qualify this Summer in the FIBA America's Tournament in July. Until very recently, James was

Cold Pizza: in the news for all the right reasons

2007-06-28T16:02:00.000-04:00

This is just becoming news over the AP wire and I am certainly not breaking it, but Woody Paige and Jay Crawford, hosts, annoying assholes and unwatchable sports "pundits" that they are, have been accused of sexual harassment by a former hair stylist and makeup artist for the show "Cold Pizza". The complaint has been denied (of course) by both of the accused but that doesn't make it any less

An Open Invitation to Dave Heller

2007-06-28T15:55:00.000-04:00

Dave,Well, needless to say all of us here at TSE were so surprised and flattered to see that you took such interest in my article about Brett Bielema and how he was able to completely embarrass the late Terry Hoeppner last year in Bloomington. While I have no intention to back down from my position that Bielema unnecessarily hung it on Coach Hep, and that certain ramifications will certainly come